“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players…”
– As You Like It, William Shakespeare
At least that is what the world (society) would have us believe. None of us is birthed into this world completely devoid of imposed expectations. When parents embrace their newborn in their hands, they envision a successful lawyer, musician, business man. When teachers pour their time and hearts into educating a new generation of potential to-bes, they envision valedictorians and self-sufficient entrepreneurs in their midst. Even in the most intimate of relationships, one is not exempt from the seeming obligations of being a good friend, lover, spouse. Perhaps the greatest whip-bearer is often oneself, assuming what is expected, driving oneself incessantly towards a goal supposedly validating the roles in life, not always knowing the purpose behind the relentless pursuit.
Perhaps because role-playing was my way of life before I found my Prince. Perhaps because my raging ambition would not expect anything less of myself. It is so seductively easy for me to fall into a mindset and lifestyle of fulfilling roles, without being truly happy. Oh yes, the initial thrill of meeting self-expectations does bring immense pleasure, but then again there is a very fine line between joy- which is eternal, and pleasure- which is temporal. Then when I fall in, I find myself trapped in a net, a never-ending highway where my “four wheels can’t stop turning but the engine’s breaking down” (a description courtesy of a certain best friend). I am thankful that when I cannot save myself, Prince still pulls me out of the net, pushes the emergency brake on my engine and reignites it each time.
But we are not created to be merely players. We are not made unique in and of ourselves to run our lives trying to be the best chessman on a gigantic chessboard of society. We are created to be ourselves and to simply live just as we are. Because who we are, just being, even without doing, is sufficient to make an impact on this world. And grandeur plans of impacting society aside, even if we are never to accomplish anything in this “pantomime”, the Creator (Prince) adores and loves each one of us just we are—whether we be sleeping, waking, eating, working, or simply helpless. Because what we do or fail to do does not alter the person we are inside. Essentially, our character is NOT our role. And because of this love for who we just are- our being, we can afford to live lives of eternal purpose free from trying to fulfill any role.
Depressed and comatose on a mattress of a friend’s apartment, You whispered to me, “Cel, if you want to know who you are, know first that you are strong.” My life has been far from perfect or ideal, but You have given me a confidence that I’m awesome simply to have pressed on till today. In the thrall of Your presence, You have called me peace, joy and love. Things I would never be (considering the tumultuous struggles of my clinical depression and OCD) without Your Potter hands in my life. You have called me courageous. And above all, You have called me a Princess and Queen- names I initially took with great pressure because I have always perceived them as roles to work towards somehow; You tell me otherwise- regardless of what I do, the manifestation of royalty in my life does not change. You tell me nothing and nobody can take the crown away from me, as long as I keep being myself.
We are who we think. And a fine line resides in the mindset of ‘role’ and ‘character’. Focus on the ‘roles’ of our existence, what we have to do, and the anxieties and pressures of life will eventually cave in on us. Focus on the ‘character’ of our being, of discovering it through the eyes of the Prince as we commune daily with Him, and we will find a true joy and passion of being that will shine through our lives into the lives of others. It’s not easy to straddle this balance- societal pressures will always attempt to push us towards the former, and it is probably a journey a lifetime will not be adequate for, but stand firm in waiting on Him for the latter, and a world of immense possibilities will keep revealing itself to us.
Prince, this is my cry. Hear our cry, they say. Hear my cry to learn to breathe, to BE. I want to keep trusting You, keep living life happy. Sometimes it’s just so hard for me to believe that I can receive anything without a fight, but with You all things are possible, and I want to hold on to that. Rather than always trying too hard, help me to lean on You. You have promised to be my shield, my rampart, my Prince in shining armor behind whom I can dwell while charging into the Promised Land.
Thank You for calling me a friend. And thank You for all the friends You have placed in my life who call me friend. Thank You for reminding me that no matter what I do, my existence does make a difference and if I were to disappear, it would matter to them, to You. I don’t want to forget this.
I want to live life being myself in His hand, not some player in a cosmic pantomime…
