Murals

    It was a different lens. A lens that sought and placed the perception of people beyond their corporeal phsycial shape and size; the people were constantly sifting and in flux, their build and clout being transformed in tandem with the thoughts they held towards themselves. Some of them turned into huge giants, then deflated slightly like oversized balloons that needed to be kept in place. Some shrunk into elf-like quaking creatures, hands outreached and vulnerable. Some grew bigger and bigger and stature till they were almost regal, giant-like but commanding respect.

    I knew without a doubt that this was the church. And what I was seeing is what God sees every single day as each of His child attempts to discover exactly who they are in God’s and one another’s sight, and establish a self-esteem of truth. Unable to find a figure I could focus long enough on to identify, I cast my eyes back upon myself, and the hand of the friend whom I was supposed to prophesy over. I was not yet a giant, but I felt big in comparison to the child-like shrunk figure in front of me. Like she really needed someone to hold her and tell her she is more than just a little kid-like girl. (If you are reading this entry, dear friend– just want to say, “Be strong! You are really much bigger and more important than you think yourself to be.” )

    A burden rose in my heart as the Lord spoke: “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

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    It was a star. It flickered meekly for a millisecond with a soft untainted light, then contorted itself to a festering, decaying mess of grotesque vividness. This grotesque mass, still in the shape of the star, shone more and more brightly with an unbearable lucidity, before it flickered back to its soft untainted counterpart.

    I could not explain it. The instant the star morphed into its grotesque version, I had an indescribable horror in my heart as I stumbled back. “God what is that?” I stammered, “I’m really scared.”

    He replied, ” Such is the decay of my people’s light when they choose to entrap themselves in self doubt and fear. Each time they believe a fear-driven lie from Satan, the star-like quality of their soul decays just that little bit more, until gradually their hearts morph into that terrible star you see. My people have to learn to step away from that.”

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    After the long hiatus I took from blogging to focus on my studies, the last “first entry” I ever expected to blog about would be this— the ‘murals’ and impressions He would unleash on the SOT students. And as the last parable-like vision I ever received was almost 2 years back, I never thought myself inclined to such giftings. But today is obviously a day when my Beloved has decided to move in a new way. It was a strange experience, but thank You for letting me see part of what You normally see.

    I believe that all of us are called to great things in life. And in this quest for the great things we are destined for, inevitable negative circumstances and voices will put us under attack, in a attempt to distract and entrap us in a web from which we cannot soar to our dreams (thank you Glen for your word in season ). The greatest impediment to our dreams is not our circumstances, it is often how we see ourselves. For what we see ourselves as, we become. And everyday, we need to make a choice. Especially for those of us who struggle with low self-esteem, this is a flesh crucifying choice to get out of the web and live life knowing we are loved and empowered by Him– negative things cannot touch us if we choose not to let them. And in this season of testing, when many of us will see ourselves ‘die’ before we receive the breakthroughs we have always been desiring for, seeing ourselves as His royalty who are loved and empowered is a continual decision we have to stand firm in more than ever.

    I want to stand firm in Him. I want my star not to be decaying and festering, but bright and inspirational and clean. I do not want to tremble any longer in a smaller-than-life perception of myself, I want to sift into a mighty giant capable of holding the hands of others and helping them sift into mighty giants themselves. I want to live life as the princess that I am in Him.